Krystian: I regret every time I use, but a lot of people tell me that it's not about that. It's about what you do from there on. I had a normal childhood, at an early age everything kind of felt right. There was a point in time where I started to feel out of place. Around age four or five, I would sit in my room at my parents’ house and I’d say to myself “is this really my life”. Around age 11 or 12 I started getting really into myself. I started really noticing that I felt different, every other kid probably felt different or felt inadequate, felt not worthy.
I remember when I was getting involved with smoking weed and how I thought it was cool at first. I had a good time and just ate a lot, we didn't do anything stupid. It felt different, what I mean is I always felt insecure and very uncomfortable around people. When I got involved with smoking marijuana it was like I didn't want the party to stop. When I needed to be in class to get that 2.0 GPA so I can start playing ball and do what I need to do to continue in life. I was skipping school you hanging out, making plans to go smoke more weed.
I got to the point where I started drinking and I was drinking with people that I would have never been around before I started drinking.
My mom was pulling her hair out, I was weak and noticing it. I'm realizing now how stressful this is for my parents and me. I was still doing what I wanted to do, I felt like I wanted to not do the right thing. To me the right thing was going to class respecting my family, being home on time and keeping up with Sports. For some reason as soon as I started using drugs and alcohol I wound up getting into some serious trouble with the law. I had never been to jail and never got stopped by a police. I get drugs and alcohol in my system, 3 to 4 weeks later, it's on and I'm already in the back of a cop car. I have been in 13 or 14 treatment centers in the course of 7 years.
Interviewer: What other types of facilities have you been in?
Krystian: I've been in the psychiatric ward, the mental hospital over about 11 or 12 times. Altogether I've been in jail over a year with all the times I've been in arrested.
Interviewer: So how do you feel about who you are in the world?
Krystian: Yes I'm hopeful, I have I have hope. It's not that great, I mean I'm very down on myself a lot. Upset about what I've done, upset about the opportunities that I still have but my mind is my worst enemy. I told myself “I've lost opportunities but in the long run I'm 23 I feel like I can get myself on the right track”. A little bit of willingness, a little bit of support goes a long way.
Interviewer: If you could look in that camera and speak to your mom, your dad, and your brother, what would you say to those folks right now?
Krystian: I would tell them I love them dearly, with all my heart. I'm sorry for not being the most productive member of society. I'll just tell them I love them and I appreciate them to the fullest.
Interviewer: How long has it been since you took a drink or a drug?
Krystian: It's been a month and a half.
Interviewer: It’s been about 6 weeks now?
Krystian: I know, the final goal is to help the next person. You could help yourself as long as you got a heartbeat, you got a chance.
* This story was submitted voluntarily to share hope and inspire others. This story is of their own experience and does not represent the point of view of Freedom From Addiction. Freedom From Addiction believes recovery is a personal journey and peoples experiences vary.
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